Let’s talk about the big F word today..and that is Forgiveness. My name is Sneha Shah and I am a psychologist. We all experience hurts, upsets, disappointments, betrayals in our life..at times we may carry it for a day or two, sometimes for weeks, months and even years..hoping that at some point they will get resolved.
What happens when you do this? You carry the hurt, the upset and that drains your energy over a period of time..and the other person might not even realise or acknowledge it!
So it is important to understand WHAT is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about saying that what the other person has done is okay, but it is literally FREEING yourself from the experience. What this does is, it makes YOUR energy available to you. It frees you from all the negative emotions you have been carrying for a while..that you have been storing in your body..and that is draining your energy and your own mental state.
FORGIVENESS IS A BEAUTIFUL ACT OF CARING AND LOVING YOURSELF. Forgiveness often does not have anything to do with the other person, but it all about the GIFT that you are willing to give yourself.
Hw will you know that you have really forgiven a person? When you forgive e person or a situation it no longer bothers you..you are no longer upset thinking about it. You know that it has happened and you are able to LET GO and put in the past.
What are the steps to forgiveness? Actually they are pretty simple..The first os to completely acknowledge and accept what you are feeling without judgement. The second is to be able to express it and it may not even involve the other person..you could either write it down, or speak it out to someone..or just get it out of your system…the third thing is the willingness to release it and to tell yourself that today I am willing to let it go and it no longer bothers me..this is the biggest gift to myself! So three simple processes to forgiveness! I would love to hear from you on the comments below..what are you willing to forgive? And how is it going to make you feel? ..
Signs that you still haven’t let go of the pain
Often people ask us “I’m not sure whether I have truly forgiven the other person. In my mind I think I have, but how can I be sure?”. So, over time we have created this wonderful checklist to help you discover whether you are still holding on to the pain.
Signs that you haven’t LET GO of the pain. Go through each statement carefully and mark ‘Yes’ if this statement is true for you. Mark ‘No’ if this statement is not applicable.
1. You continue to think about the incident/person (Yes/No)
2. You still hold on to grudges, harbour resentments, and ruminate over the old wounds with the person/incident (Yes/No)
3. You still feel still feel triggered and angry, when you see the person or think about the situation. (Yes/No)
4. You are unable to move on completely (Yes/No)
5. You replay past hurts in your mind over and over again, like a broken record. (Yes/No)
6. You feel drained and overwhelmed (Yes/No)
7. You are sensitive to the reactions/behaviour of the other person (Yes/No)
8. You expect the other person to accept and apologise for their mistakes (Yes/No)
9. You find it difficult to trust others (Yes/No)
10. You get hurt in similar ways in other areas of your life, by other people. (Yes/No)
If your answer is yes to two or more of the above statements, then it is probably time to work on releasing the pain. For true freedom is only possible when you let go and set yourself free. If not now, when?