Insights on Love – 3 Lessons on Love and Relationships

As a couple’s therapist, many people ask me what are some important lessons about love and how to make relationships work. And so, in my experience, here are my top 3 insights on love and relationships… 

Over time, I have worked with numerous couples and witnessed the unique journey of each couple, as they navigated through the challenges of their relationship.
I have watched their struggles, seen their enormous courage, handled their frustrations, taught them skills, kindled their compassion, and celebrated their small and big achievements. It’s been a very fulfilling journey. 
In my experience, here are my top 3 insights on love and relationships:

#1. There’s no such thing as a perfect partner

There is no such thing as the perfect partner. They don’t simply exist. You can spend a lifetime trying to find the perfect mate, and yet fall short. Here is why – we have been erroneously fed with impossible fairy tales of what perfect partners need to be like. Hence, It is far easier to have a romantic dream of finding that person who will complete your life than to imagine a relationship that involves time, energy, and investment.

This myth of the ‘perfect partner’, often causes us to have unrealistic expectations of others (and often of ourselves, too) which can lead to a great deal of emotional pain in and out of relationships. 

#2. Healthy relationships require constant, conscious effort

The thing is, real relationships are not always easy. In fact, they can be excruciatingly hard at times.  Sometimes, relationships feel perfect, filled with love and tons of picture-perfect photos (often on social media). However, they are still ridden with conflict. Conflict is normal. I think there is a difference between “perfect” relationships and those that fail. It comes down to how we handle the difficult times. 
In my experience, every successful relationship has two people, who are willing to put in the work. And that is what makes all the difference!

#3. 69% of your problems won’t be solved. They can only be managed.

According to research carried out over two decades by The Gottman Institute, 69% of all conflicts experienced in relationships are ‘perpetual’ and come up again and again. This is due to the fundamental differences in our personalities. Have you noticed that you and your partner fight about the same things repeatedly? 
The idea is not to ‘solve’ these kinds of problems, but learn how to talk about them without inflicting pain or damaging the relationship.

I hope this is helpful to you no matter where you are in your own relationship journey. 

If you resonate with our Insights on Love and are looking for more, take a look at our top-rated development Couple’s Weekend workshop on ‘7 Principles For Making Relationships Work’ that will change your beliefs.
You can also visit us on our YouTube channel. To subscribe, click here