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Gottman – The Brief Sound Relationship House Questionnaires

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- Step 1 of 14

1. Love Maps

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

1. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams. *

True
False

2. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. *

True
False

3. My partner is familiar with what are my current stresses. *

True
False

4. I can list my partner’s major aspirations and hopes in life. *

True
False

5. I know my partner’s major current worries. *

True
False

2. Fondness & Admiration System

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

1. My partner really respects me. *

True
False

2. I feel loved and cared for in this relationship. *

True
False

3. Romance is something our relationship definitely still has in it. *

True
False

4. When I come into a room, my partner is glad to see me. *

True
False

5. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship. *

True
False

3. Turning Towards or Away

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

1. I really enjoy discussing things with my partner. *

True
False

2. We always have a lot to say to each other. *

True
False

3. We have a lot of fun together in our everyday lives. *

True
False

4. We really have a lot of interests in common. *

True
False

5. We like to do a lot of the same things. *

True
False

4. Emotional Disengagement and Loneliness

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

1. I often find myself disappointed in this relationship. *

True
False

2. I will at times find myself quite lonely in this relationship. *

True
False

3. It is hard for my deepest feelings to get much attention in this relationship. *

True
False

4. There is not enough closeness between us. *

True
False

5. I have adapted to a lot in this relationship, and I am not so sure it’s a good idea. *

True
False

5. Harsh Startup

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

When we discuss our issues:

1. Arguments often seem to come out of nowhere.

True
False

2. I seem to always get blamed for issues.

True
False

3. My partner criticizes my personality.

True
False

4. Our calm is suddenly shattered.

True
False

5. I find my partner’s negativity unnerving and unsettling.

True
False

6. The Four Horsemen

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

When we discuss our issues:

1. I have to defend myself because the charges against me are so unfair. *

True
False

2. I often feel unappreciated by my partner. *

True
False

3. My partner doesn’t face issues responsibly and maturely. *

True
False

4. I am just not guilty of many of the things I get accused of. *

True
False

5. My partner has a lot of trouble being rational and logical. *

True
False

7. Gridlock on Perpetual Issues

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

When we discuss our issues:

1. We keep hurting each other whenever we discuss our core issues. *

True
False

2. My partner has a long list of basically unreasonable demands. *

True
False

3. I don’t feel respected when we disagree. *

True
False

4. My partner often acts in a selfish manner. *

True
False

5. When we discuss our issues, my partner acts as if I am totally wrong and he or she is totally right. *

True
False

8. Accepting Influence

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

When we discuss our issues:

1. I generally want my partner to feel influential in this relationship. *

True
False

2. I can listen to my partner, but only up to a point. *

True
False

3. My partner has a lot of basic common sense. *

True
False

4. I don’t reject my partner’s opinions out of hand. *

True
False

5. My partner is basically a great help as a problem solver. *

True
False

9. Compromise

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

When we discuss our issues:

1. We are usually good at resolving our differences. *

True
False

2. We both believe in meeting each other halfway when we disagree. *

True
False

3. In discussing issues, we can usually find our common ground of agreement. *

True
False

4. Yielding power is not very difficult for me. *

True
False

5. Give and take in making decisions is not a problem in this relationship. *

True
False

10. Shared Meanings Questionnaire

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

Your Rituals

1. Reunions at the end of each day in our home are generally special times in my day. *

True
False

2. During weekends, we do a lot of things together that we enjoy and value. *

True
False

3. I really look forward to and enjoy our vacations and the travel we do together. *

True
False

4. When we do errands together, we generally have a good time. *

True
False

5. We have ways of becoming renewed and refreshed when we are burned out or fatigued. *

True
False

Your Roles

1. We share many similar values in our roles as lovers and partners. *

True
False

2. My partner and I have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life. *

True
False

3. My partner and I have similar philosophies about balancing work and family life. *

True
False

4. My partner supports what I would see as my basic mission in life. *

True
False

5. My partner shares my views on the importance of family and kin in our life together. *

True
False

Your Goals

1. If I were to look back on my life in very old age, I think I would see that our paths in life had meshed very well. *

True
False

2. My partner values my own accomplishments. *

True
False

3. My partner honors my own very personal goals unrelated to my relationship.

True
False

4. We have very similar financial goals.

True
False

5. Our hopes and aspirations for our children, our life in general, and for old age are quite compatible. *

True
False

Your Symbols

1. We see eye to eye about what “home” means. *

True
False

2. We have similar views about the role of sex in our lives. *

True
False

3. We have similar views about the role of love and affection in our lives. *

True
False

4. We have similar values about the importance and meaning of money in our lives. *

True
False

5. We have similar values about “autonomy” and “independence”. *

True
False

11. Flooding

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

1. Our discussions get too heated. *

True
False

2. I have a hard time calming down. *

True
False

in influential 5. My

3. One of us is going to say something we will regret. *

True
False

4. I think to myself, “Why can’t we talk more logically?” *

True
False

5. My partner has a long list of unreasonable demands. *

True
False

12. Negative Sentiment Override

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

Thinking about the recent past in my relationship:

1. I felt innocent of blame for this problem. *

True
False

2. I felt unjustly accused. *

True
False

3. I felt personally attacked. *

True
False

4. I felt unjustly criticized. *

True
False

5. I wanted the negativity to just stop. *

True
False

13. Repair Attempts

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

During Our Attempts To Resolve Conflict
Between Us

1. We are good at taking breaks when we need them.

True
False

2. Even when arguing, we can maintain a sense of humor.

True
False

3. We are pretty good listeners even when we have different positions on things.

True
False

4. If things get heated, we can usually pull out of it and change things.

True
False

5. My partner is good at soothing me when I get upset.

True
False

Name *

First

Last

Email *

Address

[email protected]

62 C Wing, Mittal Court

Nariman Point, Mumbai 400026

India

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