Being Assertive – An Introvert’s Advice On Dealing With Aggressive People

Being assertive is something I’ve had a long relationship with. As a staunch introvert, loud, aggressive, or insensitive people intimidated me (and sometimes they still do). Here is a little bit more about my journey of learning to be assertive, in my own special way…

Aggressive people have always been a challenge for me. To be honest, I avoided them like the plague. When I had to engage with them, I’d often lose my train of thought, find it hard to express myself, and simply fade into the background. Hence, allowing them to dominate the conversation. It’s was simply not worth the massive effort, to make myself heard. 

And so, I eventually learned that it doesn’t work.

There were 4 problems to my approach:

1. I did not always have the luxury of withdrawing from those who make me uncomfortable

2. Avoiding never actually solved the problem

3. When I did not express myself, these people erroneously believed that I agreed with their view/had no view

4. My discomfort gave them power over me 

Learning to speak up with such people has been an uncomfortable, yet absolutely life-changing process for an introvert, like me. The most important thing that I did was, I changed my internal narrative (self-talk).  

First, I consciously decided not to judge them for who they are, and not to get critical of myself for feeling uncomfortable. I embraced the discomfort and held my ground. 

Second, I focused on the value that I wanted to add to the conversation, and not on how it was received by the other person. 

Third, I also decided to not take anything personally. That helped me stay objective and grounded. 

Lastly, whenever I am in a tough spot, I remind myself to shine my light. I bring my unique voice to the table and I know I deserve to be heard! 

Have you ever grappled with a similar thing? All the introverts out there, we would love to hear how you handle this!

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