Gottman – The Four Horsemen

Step 1 of 2

Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.

WHEN WE DISCUSS OUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES:
1. I feel attacked or criticized when we talk about our disagreements.
2. I usually feel like my personality is being assaulted.
3. In our disputes, at times, I don't even feel like my partner likes me very much.
4. I have to defend myself because the charges against me are so unfair.
5. I often feel unappreciated by my partner.
6. My feelings and intentions are often misunderstood.
7. I don't feel appreciated for all the good I do in this relationship.
8. I often just want to leave the scene of the arguments.
9. I get disgusted by all the negativity between us.
10. I feel insulted by my partner at times.
11. I sometimes just clam up and become quiet.
12. I can get mean and insulting in our disputes.
13. I feel basically disrespected.
14. Many of our issues are just not my problem.
15. The way we talk makes me want to just withdraw from the whole relationship.
16. I think to myself, "Who needs all this conflict?"
17. My partner never really changes.
18. Our problems have made me feel desperate at times.
19. My partner doesn't face issues responsibly and maturely.
20. I try to point out flaws in my partner's personality that need improvement.
21. I feel explosive and out of control about our issues at times.
22. My partner uses phrases like "You always" or "You never" when complaining.
23. I often get the blame for what are really our problems.
24. I don't have a lot of respect for my partner's position on our basic issues.
25. My partner can be quite selfish and self-centered.
26. I feel disgusted by some of my partner's attitudes.
27. My partner gets far too emotional.
28. I am just not guilty of many of the things I get accused of.
29. Small issues often escalate out of proportion.
30. Arguments seem to come out of nowhere.
31. My partner's feelings get hurt too easily.
32. I often will become silent to cool things down a bit.
33. My partner has a lot of trouble being rational and logical.