Managing Conflict – 3 Mistakes We All Tend To Make

Conflicts are a normal part of life. Where there are people, there are bound to be differences. It’s inevitable. Though managing conflict effectively is the real key, here are 3 common mistakes we all tend to make…

In my years of experience working as a psychologist, I have found that many of us don’t know how to deal with conflict or disagreement. Our styles of conflict management do not work in the long run. As a result, they harm our personal and professional relationships.

Here are 3 mistakes that we often tend to make when we are dealing with conflict.

#1. We avoid conflicts entirely

We prefer peace over anything else. And so, we give up our needs, excessively accommodate others, and do not express our anger, just in order to maintain harmony. Stuffing feelings down inside without dealing with them creates bigger problems.

Hence, eventually over a period of time, all those pent-up emotions get stored within, and either lead to frustration, resentment, bitterness, or even physical illness.

In short, avoidance and silence do not resolve conflicts, in fact, they tend to multiply them since nothing gets resolved. 

#2. We stop listening and get aggressive

We get so caught up in proving our point, that we simply don’t pay attention to what the other person is trying to say. Sometimes, we also say things without thinking about how they might affect the other person. We get critical, defensive, attacking, or blaming.

This can often leave the other person feeling hurt, unheard, not considered, or even humiliated. 

Often people just want to “feel heard” and that doesn’t require agreeing with what is being shared. In fact, listening is the most powerful way of diffusing negative feelings in a conflict.

#3. We expect others to be mind-readers

Not being clear about our own desires and needs, and instead, waiting for someone else to recognize what we need, is a classic mistake.

I have often heard people saying, if he cares for me, he would know what I need. People can’t read minds, so if you don’t take the time to clarify what you want and express your concerns, then others won’t know to create a solution.

Do you tend to make any of these mistakes? If yes, you are not alone. We all do. Learning how to communicate during a conflict in a constructive way is the biggest lesson we have to learn. 

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